you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
