oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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