Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
