i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize