it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize