you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
