Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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