So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
