Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
