god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
