Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
