have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
