Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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