Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize