My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
