New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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