Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
