Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
