Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
