I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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