you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
