Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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