The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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