Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
