R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize