omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
