This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
