I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
