Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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