Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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