If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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