Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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