they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
