i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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