i think my mom watched the whole time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
