I hate your face
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
