Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
