Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
