Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
