Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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