You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
false alarm, still single
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