After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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