jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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