I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
