In the future we'll all be gay
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
