Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
