I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
