I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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