High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
