haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We need to rekindle our bromance
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
