We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
