you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
