I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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