Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize