i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
