plz talk dirty to me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
