I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize