Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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