I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
