Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
