come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize