dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
