I just saw a hot homeless man
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
