i permit you to call me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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