u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
