Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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