and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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