its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
