His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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