when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
