i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
