Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
